There is More Than One Right Way to Manage Conflict

Many people think there is a right way and a wrong way to manage conflict, and that is incorrect.

There are three productive ways to manage conflict, and one way that leads to separation and divorce. Our beliefs about conflict management are connected to core values that we have about emotion. We know that values are not right or wrong, but it’s easy to get into conflict about conflict.

By understanding that there are many ways to manage conflict productively you will be more able to have constructive conversations with people who might have different conflict styles.

The best place to start is by clarifying your own values about how to manage conflict. We know from the research of Dr. John Gottman and his team that there are three conflict management styles that can lead to relationship happiness. Take this quiz to find out what you preferred conflict style is. (note: this quiz does not take the place of an assessment by a licensed professional. It is for educational purposes only)

Find Out Your Conflict Resolution With This Personality Test

Resources for You

To learn more about how to manage conflict effectively and the conflict style to avoid, check out these other resources.

Are you a reader? Here are some great books to get you started:

Strengthen and deepen your love with a fun, ingenious program of eight life-changing conversations—on essential topics such as money, sex, and trust—from two of the world’s leading marriage researchers and clinicians.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love 

Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break issue: trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams.

“This landmark book” (San Francisco Chronicle) dispels the common myths about the causes and uses of anger— for example, that expressing anger is always good for you, that suppressing anger is always unhealthy, or that women have special “anger problems” that men do not. Dr. Carol Tavris expertly examines every facet of that fascinating emotion—from genetics to stress to the rage for justice.

Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion

Are You and Experiential Learner? Check out our Online School

Relationship Academy offers free and affordable courses, including a FREE Empathy Training Course, Communication Skills Training and and Online Workshop for Couples.

This Online Workshop for Couples is a self-guided program for couples to work through together to improve their relationship. It consists of six modules: Commitment, Gratitude, Conflict-Management, Empathy, Trust and Fun.

You and your partner watch educational videos and then work through a read-along workbook to complete exercises to practice the skills you have learned.