You know you messed up, but not sure how to say sorry?

We know from the research of Dr. John and Julie Gottman that people in satisfying long-term relationships are good at repairing their conflicts.  This means that after an argument the conflict is resolved enough so that resentment isn’t left mounting and the couple is able to move on and have fun together.

Apologizing is not synonymous with acting like a doormat.  It is important to bring up issues that are problematic before they become monumental.  Likewise it is important to be able to authentically admit when you are wrong, because, if you are (sometimes).  The secret to doing this effectively is to keep the conversations separated.

For example, “I’m sorry I let the cat out, but I had an armful of groceries and you didn’t so much as lift a finger to help.”  is not as advisable as…”I’m sorry I let the cat out.”  I tell my clients I think periods are sometimes the best marital interventions out there.  At a later point (AFTER) you have given your partner a chance to forgive you, you might say something like “It’s really frustrating to try to unlock the door with a handful of groceries, I’d love it if we could unload the car together next time.  Thanks Babe.”  Honor the punctuated period and move on.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. I really messed up
2. I was wrong
3. You were right
4. I’m an idiot
5. You deserve better than that
6. Wish I could go back in time
7. I know actions speak louder than words, thanks for giving me a second chance
8. I made a mistake
9. I really messed up
10. I don’t know what the heck I was thinking
11. I can really be a knucklehead sometimes
12. I will always regret that choice
13. I ‘d feel the same way if I were you
14. You’re better than me at this kind of thing
15. I did it again, thanks for not giving up on me
16. Oops
17. My bad
18. I know there’s nothing I can say to undo this
19. Of course you’re mad at me, who wouldn’t be?
20. I wish I could delete those words
21. Thanks for being so patient with me
22. I know saying sorry isn’t enough
23. The words “I’m Sorry” aren’t strong enough for what I’m trying to say
24. What would you like me to do differently?
25. Where did I go wrong?
26. Help me understand how I hurt you
27. It was not my intention to hurt you, but I see that I did
28. I can be a total jerk sometimes
29. Thank you for letting me know where I went wrong
30. Let me try again
31. I get it
32. You matter so much more to me than this
33. You are my whole world, the last thing I meant was
34. Please forgive me
35. Please accept my apology