Take This Relationship Quiz
Why take a relationship quiz? We often hear people say, “I don’t think we need couples therapy because all couples have issues and we should be able to solve our problems on our own.”
In many ways, people are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking, “Do we need therapy?” The better question might be, “Is now a good time to hire an expert to learn how to make our relationship better?” It’s kind of like a tennis lesson. If you want to improve your game, you probably find a coach to teach you some things you don’t know, then go home, practice what you’ve learned and expect to see progress.
You’re right if you believe that every couple has problems. 100% of couples have conflict. And most of these problems won’t ever go away (69%, if you want to be exact!). The goal in couples’ therapy is not to eliminate disagreements, as this is not possible. Instead, the focus is to manage conflict in a way that is thoughtful and respectful. This can bring you closer together rather than further dividing you on your differences.
Use the Link Below to take the Relationship Quiz
Do We Need Couples Therapy?
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Do We Need Couples Therapy?
Take This True/False Quiz to Learn More
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If you answered “True” to any one of these statements, you are not alone and might benefit from learning some skills that can help improve your relationship. There are four behaviors that are high predictors of relationship dissatisfaction and separation. We, in the Gottman-World, refer to these behaviors as “The Four Horsemen.”
Criticism: This occurs when someone describes a problem as a flaw in their partner’s personality rather than as an isolated incident (e.g., labeling your partner as “lazy” when they wake up late).
Defensiveness: Often observed in the face of criticism, defensiveness occurs when a partner attempts to protect themselves against a perceived attack. This can sometimes occur through overt denial, but can also look like a counter-attack.
Stonewalling: This occurs when the listener in a conflict withdraws from the interaction while staying in the room by failing to give clues that they are listening (e.g., staring at the TV). Usually stonewalling occurs when someone is internally overwhelmed and become frozen.
Contempt: Contemptuous statements are criticisms made specifically to make oneself superior to their partner in some way (e.g., labeling your partner as “stupid” or unable to understand what is being discussed).
One of the goals in treatment is to better explore if these behaviors are present during your conflict conversations, and if so, learning the skills needed to replace them with better means of communication.
If you would like to talk to us about what treatment might look like for you and your partner specifically, please don’t hesitate to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with any one of our clinicians. We would be happy to see if treatment is the right thing to help you and your partner learn to better manage conflict!
Question 1 of 8
When my partner brings a problem to my attention, I feel like I am usually unfairly criticized.
Question 2 of 8
I feel like my partner and/or I shut down when discussing something difficult.
Question 3 of 8
When we argue, my partner and/or I blame the other for being the source of the problem.
Question 4 of 8
I feel as if my partner does not accept responsibility for their part in our problems.
Question 5 of 8
Our arguments get so heated that one or both of us have to walk away.
Question 6 of 8
My partner makes me feel very small when we argue.
Question 7 of 8
I feel as if my partner expects too much of me.
Question 8 of 8
When we argue, I feel as if I am fighting with a child.