Laura Silverstein, LCSW, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist interviews her husband, Dr. Michael Silverstein, Ph.D., Level 3 Gottman therapist about Private Intensive Couples Therapy (also called marathons)
Below is the transcript of the interview in a blog format ⬇️
Today, I’m sitting down with one of the best couples therapists I know—my husband, Michael Silverstein—to answer all the questions people have about intensive couples therapy and how it actually works.
Let’s dive in.
What Is Gottman Intensive Couples Counseling—and How Is It Different from Weekly Therapy?
Instead of meeting for 50–80 minutes once a week, intensive couples therapy means working together for several hours a day over multiple days in a row.
So rather than spreading things out over months, couples are immersed in the work in a focused, structured way.
What Actually Happens During a 2-Day Marathon?
A lot of people ask what actually happens during those long days.
Here’s how Michael typically structures it:
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The first hour to hour-and-a-half, all three of us are together. He takes a deep history of the relationship—from the beginning to the present.
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Then the couple is asked to talk about a real area of conflict while he observes without intervening.
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After that, he meets individually with each partner to understand their personal history, family of origin, and mental health background.
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Over lunch, he prepares a feedback session, where he clearly and compassionately shares:
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The main strengths of the relationship
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The key challenges
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Where things stand overall
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From there, everyone collaborates on what the couple wants to focus on during the intensive.
Then the real work begins—with the couple facing each other and talking directly to each other, with very active guidance and intervention.
This is a big difference from traditional therapy. Michael doesn’t just sit back and watch couples argue. He pauses conversations when needed and helps them redo moments in real time so new habits can form.
Isn’t Couples Therapy Just Fighting in Front of a Therapist?
A lot of people fear that couples therapy means repeating the same fights, just with someone watching.
Michael hears this concern all the time—especially from couples who’ve tried therapy before and felt like nothing really changed.
That’s exactly why he intervenes quickly and actively: to stop the painful cycles and help couples reshape how they communicate.
And surprisingly, even though deeper topics come up,
Most couples say the intensive is less stressful than they imagined.
What Can Couples Really Accomplish in Just Two or Three Days?
More than you might think.
When both partners are committed, couples often:
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Learn how to speak more kindly and clearly
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Feel heard and understood
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Build enough safety to begin reconnecting
Many couples leave with something even more powerful than skills:
Hope.
What’s Different About a Gottman Intensive?
One major difference is the use of the Sound Relationship House, the foundation of the Gottman Method.
This model looks at:
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Trust and commitment
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Friendship and connection
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Conflict management skills
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Repair attempts and emotional safety
During feedback, Michael helps couples see which parts of their “house” are strong and which need support, then focuses the intensive on the most important areas.
Why Did You Choose the Gottman Method?
Michael chose Gottman because it’s:
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Focused on real behavioral change
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Balanced between addressing challenges and strengthening what’s already working
He also appreciates that the model doesn’t get stuck only in the past—it helps couples:
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Stop destructive patterns
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Increase appreciation and gratitude
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Rebuild connection in the present
What Kind of Results Have You Seen from Intensive Couples Counseling?
Some of the most transformational moments in Michael’s career have happened in these intensives.
He’s seen couples:
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Walk in considering divorce
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Then 48 hours later be hugging, crying, forgiving, and hopeful
The shift isn’t just about problem-solving.
It’s about restoring hope and direction.
Have Any Couples Regretted Doing an Intensive?
There are two situations that feel difficult—but still meaningful:
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Discernment outcomes
Some couples come in unsure whether to stay together. The intensive helps them realize—compassionately—that separating may be the healthiest choice. -
When one partner can’t take responsibility
If someone is too angry or unable to acknowledge their own contribution, the Gottman approach may not be the right fit. In those cases, Michael refers them to another model.
Even then, the intensive still provides clarity.
Should Couples Trust Their Gut About Doing an Intensive?
Michael believes strongly in trusting your gut—but also recognizes how fear and catastrophizing can override intuition.
Most couples ultimately discover that:
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The work is intense
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But also more humane, flexible, and supportive than expected
Breaks are built in. Couples go for walks. Some even enjoy relaxed, tech-free lunches together during the process.
How Do We Decide If an Intensive Is Right for Us?
The best first step is simply to talk it through together. This isn’t a surprise gift—it’s a shared decision.
We also offer free 15-minute consultations so couples can:
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Ask questions
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Get a realistic sense of what to expect
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Receive honest guidance about whether an intensive makes sense for them
Does Insurance Cover Intensive Couples Therapy?
Typically, insurance may reimburse part—but not all—of the cost.
We don’t accept insurance directly, but we provide all paperwork needed so couples can submit for reimbursement. It’s always best to check with your insurance provider in advance.
What Happens After the Intensive?
Most couples continue with:
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Weekly couples therapy
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Bi-weekly or monthly sessions
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Or even yearly “tune-ups”
Out-of-town couples often fly back once a year, and Michael also offers telehealth follow-ups across 36 states.
Can Intensive Couples Therapy Be Done Online?
At this time, no.
Michael believes that for this level of work, being in the room together matters deeply. So much communication is non-verbal, and emotional safety is stronger when everyone is physically present.
Who Should Not Do an Intensive? (Red Flags)
Two major contraindications:
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Ongoing affairs with continued contact
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Ongoing domestic violence or intimidation
Safety and commitment to the process are essential.
Why Do You Love Doing These Intensives So Much?
Michael’s answer was simple and beautiful:
“Because I get to see real change in just two days—and be part of that transformation.”
If you and your partner are willing to come to the Greater Philadelphia area, we’d love to support you. Michael offers weekday intensives, and our Level 3 Gottman therapist Teresa Thompson offers weekend options.
You can schedule a consultation anytime.
And if you have questions after reading this, feel free to leave them in the comments—we’re happy to answer.
We help people feel happier one conversation at a time.