Working on a Relationship is Fun

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Working on Improving your Relationship Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

Your primary romantic relationship is important to you and you want it to be better. You know relationships are hard word, but it’s hard to get motivated to sit down and “work” on things.

When you start to notice some issues rearing their heads in your relationship, you probably want to get to work to make things better. Many people envision long drawn out conversations filled with tense emotions, or exploring unhealed childhood wounds.  It’s not surprising this kind of work gets pushed to the back burner.


The good news is that there are other ways to increase connection with your partner.

Go Have Fun!

Of course it is important to work on conflict management skills. Difficult conversations are part of being in love. 

Most couples find that juggling the logistics of managing a household can take a lot of time, and sometimes lead to tension or even resentment.

When negativity rears its head, couples start “working” on their relationships. This is a good thing because just like plants need water, partnerships require energy and brushing up on communication skills. 

The crucial mistake that’s often made at a time like this is that people focus too much on their problems, and not enough energy on the good stuff between them. In order to make a relationships better, we need to  increase positivity just as much as we need to decrease negativity (in fact more so).

Don’t Postpone Joy

If you don’t “work” on having fun together while your working on your problems, the tone of the relationship will become sour and before you know it you can wonder what all this hard work is even for. 

If you wait until you can go on a two week vacation you might not like each other by the time you get there. 

It’s much better to look for the random moments of joy that present themselves when you’re not even looking.

I’m talking about the  moments when you burst out laughing together because someone did something quirky, or the moments when you’re just running errands together. 

It’s so easy to enter a constant state of dividing and conquering, because it’s the most efficient way to get things done.  The problem is that the whole day can go by without having an interesting conversation together. You know the bills are paid, and what time the vet appointment is, but you didn’t have time to laugh together.

What to Do Instead

Since it’s more important to increase the positivity in your relationship than to decrease the negativity, I recommend lightening up a little.

Of course we have to work on a relationship to make things better, and some of that work might not even feel like work at all. Don’t be fooled into thinking that something isn’t important just because it’s fun.

Where to Start

Sit down with your partner and brainstorm some ideas about how to have fun together.  Here are some questions to get you started:

  • What’s something we used to do together and just haven’t made time for?
  • What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?
  • When do we both have some free time coming up? How would we like to spend that time?

Do You Like Taking Personality Quizzes?

This quiz is just for fun (it is not intended to replace an assessment by a licensed professional)

Many people think there is only one correct way to have conflict, but this is incorrect. There are three different ways to manage conflict that work. Take this quiz to find out what your preferred conflict style is.

What is Your Preferred Conflict Style? Take this quiz to find out.

What’s your opinion about anger?
Anger is a useless emotion. It’s better not to talk about it because people just end up getting upset for no reason.
Anger is part of being human. It’s important to vent your anger when it comes up.
There is important information in anger. It’s important to pay attention to it and then express it in a calm rational way.



What do you prefer to do if you’re in a conversation that starts to escalate?
Stay calm, take some deep breaths and listen closely to what’s being said.
Change the subject to something non controversial.
Start thinking of important counter-arguments.



How do you tend to respond when someone shares unpleasant emotions with you?
I feel closer to them and appreciate the honesty and vulnerability. I prefer this to superficial conversations.
I feel awkward. I’m concerned about saying the wrong thing. I don’t like drama in my relationships.
I am glad they are opening up to me. I try to help them calm down and talk about it.



After an argument with a romantic partner how do you prefer to make-up?
Make-up Sex
Process the misunderstanding so both people understand what went wrong to do a better job next time.
Have each person say something like “sorry we fought” so we can quickly get back to the day.



Which do you value the most?



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