Working on Improving your Relationship Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
Your primary romantic relationship is important to you and you want it to be better. You know relationships are hard word, but it’s hard to get motivated to sit down and “work” on things.
When you start to notice some issues rearing their heads in your relationship, you probably want to get to work to make things better. Many people envision long drawn out conversations filled with tense emotions, or exploring unhealed childhood wounds. It’s not surprising this kind of work gets pushed to the back burner.
The good news is that there are other ways to increase connection with your partner.
Go Have Fun!
Of course it is important to work on conflict management skills. Difficult conversations are part of being in love.
Most couples find that juggling the logistics of managing a household can take a lot of time, and sometimes lead to tension or even resentment.
When negativity rears its head, couples start “working” on their relationships. This is a good thing because just like plants need water, partnerships require energy and brushing up on communication skills.
The crucial mistake that’s often made at a time like this is that people focus too much on their problems, and not enough energy on the good stuff between them. In order to make a relationships better, we need to increase positivity just as much as we need to decrease negativity (in fact more so).
Don’t Postpone Joy
If you don’t “work” on having fun together while your working on your problems, the tone of the relationship will become sour and before you know it you can wonder what all this hard work is even for.
If you wait until you can go on a two week vacation you might not like each other by the time you get there.
It’s much better to look for the random moments of joy that present themselves when you’re not even looking.
I’m talking about the moments when you burst out laughing together because someone did something quirky, or the moments when you’re just running errands together.
It’s so easy to enter a constant state of dividing and conquering, because it’s the most efficient way to get things done. The problem is that the whole day can go by without having an interesting conversation together. You know the bills are paid, and what time the vet appointment is, but you didn’t have time to laugh together.
What to Do Instead
Since it’s more important to increase the positivity in your relationship than to decrease the negativity, I recommend lightening up a little.
Of course we have to work on a relationship to make things better, and some of that work might not even feel like work at all. Don’t be fooled into thinking that something isn’t important just because it’s fun.
Where to Start
Sit down with your partner and brainstorm some ideas about how to have fun together. Here are some questions to get you started:
- What’s something we used to do together and just haven’t made time for?
- What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?
- When do we both have some free time coming up? How would we like to spend that time?
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