Ghosting Hurts—Here’s What to Do About It
Ghosting is one of the most confusing and painful forms of rejection. It’s what happens when someone you’re connected with—whether romantically, platonically, or even within your family—suddenly disappears without explanation. No calls. No texts. No closure. Just… silence.
As a couples therapist, I often hear the pain that ghosting leaves behind. That feeling of being left in the dark can be deeply disorienting. You might wonder: Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said? Or simply: Why?
In this post, we’ll explore two perspectives:
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What to do if you’ve been ghosted
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What to do if you realize you’ve ghosted someone else
🎥 Here is a Video by Laura Silverstein Explaining the Phenomenon of Ghosting
If You’ve Been Ghosted
Let’s start here. Being ghosted feels like being erased. The confusion and pain can be intense. But here’s the truth I want you to hear clearly:
Ghosting is not about you.
Sure, every relationship is co-created by two people. But ghosting—the act of disappearing without communication—is not your responsibility. That’s on them.
Here are three steps to help you cope and heal:
1. Seek Support from People Who Show Up for You
You’ve likely already tried to reach out to the person who ghosted you. Now it’s time to stop chasing closure from someone who isn’t willing or able to give it.
Instead, turn to people who are there. Talk to friends. Be with people who make you feel seen. Let them help you process your feelings and remind you that you matter.
2. Practice Radical Self-Care
Do things that make you feel good—nourished, grounded, joyful. Whether that’s cooking a nourishing meal, taking a walk, watching your favorite show, or even taking a personal day to reset—this is the time to treat yourself like someone worth taking care of.
Because you are.
3. Feel Your Own Feelings
Stop trying to figure out what your ghost is thinking. You may never get an answer—and trying to decode someone who won’t communicate will only delay your healing.
Instead, focus inward. Are you angry? Sad? Embarrassed? Lonely? Let yourself grieve and move through those emotions. This is how you process instead of ruminating.
If You’ve Ghosted Someone
Maybe you’re reading this with a pit in your stomach because…you are the ghost.
Let me be clear: this isn’t about blame or shame. Ghosting usually doesn’t come from cruelty. It comes from avoidance. You might not know what to say. You don’t want to hurt anyone. So you say nothing at all.
But silence creates more pain than truth ever could. So here’s what to do:
1. Turn to the Experts
Learn how to break up with kindness and clarity. You don’t have to do this alone—and you’re not the first person who’s struggled with hard conversations. There’s a wealth of guidance out there (including right here!).
2. Work on Your Communication Skills
Ghosting often stems from being conflict-avoidant. If this resonates, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. But it’s worth learning how to have direct, respectful conversations, even when they’re hard.
The good news? These skills don’t just help you in breakups—they transform your entire relationship life.
3. Face Your Fear
There’s a reason you didn’t send that last text, return that call, or show up to the place where you knew they’d be.
Maybe you’re afraid of being the bad guy.
Maybe you’re scared of emotional intensity.
Maybe you just don’t know what to say.
Avoiding fear gives it power. Facing it—gently, bravely—is the only path forward.
Final Thoughts
Ghosting is painful—for everyone involved. But it also offers an opportunity for growth.
If you’ve been ghosted, your job is to care for yourself, surround yourself with supportive people, and refuse to let one person’s silence define your worth.
If you’ve ghosted someone, your job is to reflect, take responsibility, and consider how you want to show up in future relationships.
And for all of us: let’s work toward a world where honesty and kindness go hand in hand—even when things end.